by Joanne Steenberg

“When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself.” — Martin Walsh 

Humans love digging in the dirt—and not just in the garden. These days there are more and more places where we see and hear people talking about someone’s dirt. Whether it’s in the news, social media, popular television programs or magazines it’s hard to get through a day without hearing folks talking negatively about others. Why do people love to dig up the dirt? Because making others look bad can temporarily make us feel good. Research shows that gossip helps people form bonds, vent emotions and provides entertainment. Oftentimes, we may find ourselves talking about someone’s “dirt” and focusing on what’s wrong with them and aren’t even aware that we are doing it. 

We all have dirt—and plenty of it—so it’s not hard to find it in others. But what if we consciously decided, from now on, to be the one who finds the gold in other people? In addition to all that dirt, we also have hidden gems and wonderful nuggets of gold. The only trait we need to embody is a willingness to look deeper, under the surface.

For those willing to mine for the gold, know that it will come with challenges. Oftentimes the ones who are acting out the most are experiencing a great deal of emotional pain. As they say, hurt people hurt people. While it can be difficult terrain to navigate, it’s also a journey ripe with the potential for a mine filled with jewels. When we work on expanding our hearts to accept others, dirt and all, we can uplift their hearts to new places—as well as our own.

Maybe we, too, have allowed our past hurts to inadvertently cause pain to others? Even just considering this possibility can help us to embark on a journey of self-healing. If we are to “be the change we wish to see in the world,” then our work ought to focus on finding the gold in others. It is there in every human, waiting for someone to discover it.

If we’re lucky, we already have friends in our lives who remind us of this often. How many times have others seen past our dirt to remind us of our gold? If we’re truly all mirrors to one another, then finding their gold also mirrors the goodness and gold within ourselves. So, in our daily interactions, let’s be willing to look for the gold in others and do our part to make this world a more beautiful place.

Finding the Gold in Emily

Years ago, when I was a new teacher, I had a student named Emily who would lash out at anyone who attempted to get close to her. Despite her best intentions, she struggled to form healthy relationships. Emily was known for her outbursts in her community. Instead of trying to understand the source of her behavior, most people responded with frustration and judgment. And then a young woman in her school, Shari, reached out to her. Shari was able to see past Emily’s hurtful actions and recognize the wounded soul beneath. They started to walk home from school together, and Emily showed Shari the animal shelter where she regularly volunteered. Shari learned that Emily was considered one of the best on staff at finding ways to calm down the most agitated animals. She could reach them in a way no one else could. It was her gold. 

• Fast from hurting words and say kind words.
• Fast from sadness and be filled with gratitude.
• Fast from anger and be filled with patience.
• Fast from pessimism and be filled with hope.
• Fast from complaints and contemplate simplicity.
• Fast from bitterness and fill your hearts with joy.
• Fast from selfishness and be compassionate to others.
• Fast from grudges and be reconciled.
• Fast from words and be silent so you can listen. —Pope Francis