Changing Resolutions to Realities without the P-Word

By Tara Greenway

Did you just make a list of New Year’s resolutions? And does your list actually make you jump up and exercise every day, cut out all carbs and repair all your relationships? If so, you’re amazing—and please call me, because I want to meet you.

By the end of January, most of us look at our New Year’s resolutions and feel confused, disappointed in ourselves and a bit resigned. Why, when our intentions are so pure, does the reality of our lives fall so short of our dreams? Here are three reasons, and ways to avoid them.

Much of our struggle begins with perfectionism—that is, with our expectations and how we treat ourselves before, during and after the development of those expectations. Many people expect themselves to be perfect. In fact, they secretly believe it is this expectation that propels them to success. My ThetaHealing clients have shown me over and over that this is not the case.

First, ask yourself this: do you think perfection means not making any mistakes? The true definition of perfection is more like nurturing a seedling. If you planted a carnation seed, would you get really mad at it when its first green shoot poked out of the ground? Would you question its integrity when it needed more water? Of course not—you recognize the perfection of a plant at each stage of development. Perfection is the same for you. You’re growing, blossoming up through the darkness, and you’re at the perfect place in your soul’s journey.

Second, do you believe that being hard on yourself will help you achieve your goals? Maybe you had a teacher or parent who was really hard on you, and that harshness did produce results. But it also produces stress, anxiety, resentment, possible depression, and a constant feeling of lack, to say nothing of an unconscious harshness toward others. Anything you can achieve via harsh self-expectations and self-talk, you can achieve more easily and quickly through actual self-acceptance, faith and unconditional approval.

Third, sometimes what blocks you from achieving your dreams is not your fears about what you’re struggling with now—that familiar morass—but your fears about what might happen if you actually do achieve those dreams. How would your family and friends react to your real success? What do you feel you may have to sacrifice for that success? Do you believe on the subconscious level that you, in fact, deserve your dreams?

In short, it is your beliefs that are running (and sometimes ruining) your life. It is your beliefs that dictate how you feel, how you act, how you succeed.

The ThetaHealing technique enables us to replace old, negative beliefs like I have to be perfect all the time with something more like I unconditionally accept myself. We watch I have to be hard on myself to succeed morph into I grow easily and quickly through joy. And we can change I don’t deserve success and I have to sacrifice my personal life in order to be successful to I deserve success, and I know how to have both personal freedom and success.

This year, create a new reality for yourself. See your own messy perfection. Try accepting yourself unconditionally instead of beating yourself up. Clear your fears of succeeding. And welcome to your life. It’s been waiting for you!

Tara Greenway, a master ThetaHealer with a certificate of science, is the cofounder of ThetaHealingNYC, a healing center and school at Broadway and 26th Street in Manhattan. She sees individual clients and teaches ThetaHealing classes. For more information, visit ThetaHealingNYC.com or call 212.260.5727.